America: Recessions, Pets and Fast Cars

 

 

You know that feeling when you read or hear something great that you wish you had thought of?  Your enjoyment of the item quickly leads to jealousy, remorse, anger, etc.  That’s the emotion I want to evoke in you, the reader, every time you visit D.A.I.W. to scope my patented blog blasts.

 

In keeping with that goal, I’ve decided to go out on a limb today.  I’m going to be playing ahead of the pack.  My ideas may sound far-fetched, but believe me, they will bear fruit.  So much fruit that you’ll grow sick of it.  You’ll be adverse to fruit the rest of your life.

 

"Eww" will be your response to this display.

"Eww" will be your response to this display.

 

 

 

 

Ok, here we go.  I know America is riding pretty high on the hog right now.  Admit it, we’re kicking major tail and living without regrets.  The USA has the fastest cars, the hottest single hotties, and we’re gradually making our case for “Best Dressed”.

 

However, I foresee some trouble.  I’m not thrilled to be the one to say this, but after reviewing the nation’s money figures (industry term), I am forecasting an economic s*** storm.  To put it lightly, we’re going to be ThunderStruck™. 

 

Money is going to be tight, you may lose your job, a gallon of milk will cost you $8.  It won’t be pretty.  Decisions will arise that never have been dealt with before, like choosing between feeding your dog or paying for cable TV.  I’m sorry dogs – your days are numbered. 

 

Sorry pal, Next Top Model is better than you.

Sorry pal, Next Top Model is better than you.

 

 

 

 

 

But we don’t have to feed into the ensuing panic.  Money isn’t everything, and that’s what I want you to remember as we navigate the stinky waters of a recession. 

 

You are more than just what is in your wallet.  I, for example, am also made up of peanut butter.  Roughly 19% of my body is the sweet stuff.  I will stop paying my car insurance before I reduce my PB intake, so don’t even try me.

 

My point is a balance sheet doesn’t make a person.  A person makes a balance sheet.  Then, based on its findings, they can crumple it up and toss it or set it ablaze.  That all boils down to personal preference. 

 

Be Poor, Be Proud.  Do it for you, and do it for America.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then again, none of this may happen – we could be fine!

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1 Comment

Filed under Disaster, Humor, Money, Peanut Butter

One response to “America: Recessions, Pets and Fast Cars

  1. Jillian

    Thankfully, America’s Next Top Model is on The CW, which comes in the $8 Limited Basic Cable plan. So puppies can live a little longer.

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